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This article assumes two things. First, that all God’s commands and promises are for the person who has committed their life to the Lord, turning from all sin to live a life of daily obedience to His commands. We fool only ourselves when we attempt to parent successfully without the help, strength and provision of the Lord. We must die to ourselves so we can live in and to the Lord (Rom.6). The New life or new birth comes only after there is the death of the old life! We must then daily die to our desires, saying with our Lord, "Not my will, but thine be done." All halfhearted attempts at obedience only end in frustration and ultimate failure. Christ said in Mt.22:37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind." We not only dishonor the Lord, discredit His Name, but demonstrate to the world that Christ’s word makes no difference in our lives, when we attempt to live a life that has not truly surrendered all, out of a heart of love for Him. The greatest impact we can make in our children’s hearts and lives, is by a daily demonstration of a consistent life of Christ-likeness in the power of the Holy Spirit. Do your children see Christ in you?

Secondly, that Christian parents are working on general truths and principles with their children (or will begin doing so.) A brief but certainly not exhaustive list would include these:

1.  Use teaching as well as discipline. (Eph.6:4)

The scripture emphasizes the importance of the mind in the sanctification process (Eph.4:23; Rom.12:1-2 and many others). Parents must work hard at helping their children identify thinking habits that God wants them to change. Instead of saying, "Johnny pay attention or you’ll be disciplined," the parent could ask, "Johnny, what were you choosing to think about instead of paying attention?"

In Eph.6:4, parents are commanded to use a two pronged child-raising approach for their children. Those two prongs are "discipline and admonition of the Lord." "Discipline" is training with teeth. "Admonition" is the teaching part of parenting. God expects us to teach and train our children to obey, immediately and with the proper attitude (cheerfully, with out murmuring, or talking back whether out loud or under their breath). The use of the biblical rod is the God given means by which parents can train and encourage our little ones to see that God and we mean business when it comes to obedience.

Unfortunately for both the parent and the child, the Biblical rod has fallen out of favor and use with parents that are following (either consciously or unconsciously) the child raising philosophy of the world and of Satan himself. Failure of the parent(s) to implement at all and rightly this essential tool, can bring about the behaviors that have been classified below as ADD. As you will see from the ADD behaviors listed below, much of these behaviors can be successfully addressed and corrected by the application of loving biblical discipline. Let me encourage the parent to consider seriously this essential child-raising tool from the book of Proverbs. "The rod and reproof bring wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth shame to his mother." (Pr.29:15) "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him rising early disciplineth him."(Pr.13:24) "Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline shall drive it far from him."(Pr.22:15)

Without the biblical use of the rod, our sons and daughters will indeed bring shame to us and continue on in a life of foolishness which left unchanged, leads to eternal damnation. "The fool says in his heart, No God, they ruin and do abhorrent wickedness; no one works good."(Ps.53:1, Exegesis Bible) A fool is simply one who says "no" to God. He says "no" to God’s gracious pleadings and His commands that are given for our good. (Rom.8:28) That’s why our children are born fools, because they are born with the sin of rebellion against God in their heart which they continually manifest in various ways throughout life. One of the parents most important responsibilities is that of not letting the child do what ever his heart desires, for this is the way of the fool which leads to destruction. "The way of a fool is right (straight) in his own eyes; but he who hearkens to counsel is wise."(Pr.12:15, Exegesis Bible)

2.  Teach children the proper goal of life.

Children should be encouraged to "make it (their) ambition to please Christ" (II Cor.5:9) Christ said repeatedly, "I seek not my own will, but the will of the Father."(Jn.5:30) Christ's purpose in life was "to not do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me."(Jn.6:38) Remind your children daily that EVERY thought, action or word is choice between doing their will or the will of their heavenly Father. There is no middle ground. Actually, we pause from sinning when we say no to ourself! (I Pet.4:1) That's how self centered & sinful we are.  Unfortunately we live in such a perverted society that to deny self anything is considered the greatest sin.  God have mercy on our children if they adopt this attitude. We can & must teach selfless living in action and precept as a godly example for our children to follow.  I Tim.3 tells us the first characteristic of men in the last days, they are literally "friends of self... and friends of pleasures more than friends of God."  Have you children develop the habit of asking themselves this simple question, "Who am I pleasing now, my self or Christ?"

Our heavenly Father wants His children "to be conformed to the image of His Son" (Rom.8:28-29) Young people who understand and have adopted this goal are in a better position to evaluate their behaviors. Instead of saying, "Johnny, stop doing that," parents can ask "Johnny, are your thoughts and actions right now pleasing to Christ?"

3.  Use the put off/put on principle

Throughout Ephesians and Colossians the apostle Paul emphasizes the put off/ put on principle for the believer. It is never enough to stop doing something (bad or sinful), if we are not concurrently beginning to replace the sinful actions and attitudes with godly actions and attitudes. The "stop doing that" method of parenting falls short because real change comes not by just putting off sinful habits, but also by putting on Godly ones. Here is a sample of the few that Paul mentions:

Put Off vs. Put On Passages

Lying vs. Speaking truth (v.25)

Sinful anger (Self centered - "I was hurt, I was insulted," etc. & prolonged) vs. Righteous anger (God focused & short in duration and focused on solving the problem God's way)(v.26)

Stealing vs. Honorable labor, giving to others (Eph.4:28)

Rotten speaking vs. Speaking that builds up and gives grace to the hearer (v.29)

Grieving the Holy Spirit vs. Godly actions and attitudes (Eph.4:30)

Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander. vs. Kindness, tender heartedness, forgiveness, Christ likeness (v.31-32)

Immorality, impurity, greed, filthiness, silly talk, course jesting. vs. Giving thanks (Eph.5:3-4)

4. Use cause and effect

All through scripture God speaks of the rewards that come to those who please Him and the punishment that comes to those who don’t. Wise parents correct their children for sinning and reward them for choosing to do right.

Identify desires of the heart

Even small children can learn to evaluate what they want/desire in a particular situation. They need to be taught that people choose their desires and that wrong desires are the first step on the path to sinful actions. During an episode of misbehavior, children need to learn to ask, "What was I wanting more than wanting to please God?" Of course many other general parenting truths could be mentioned. The point here is that while the following information on specific behaviors is important, it will only be successful when applied by moms and dads who use general Biblical principles of parenting.

 

Biblical Truths for Specific ADD/DSM-IV Related Behaviors

Under the category of Inattention, the DSM-IV lists nine possible symptoms. We shall address these "symptoms" as behaviors, which they are in reality. These characteristics are listed below exactly as they appear in DSM-IV and are followed by a discussion of Biblical truths that could be used with a child exhibiting such behaviors.

I.  Attention Deficits

A.  Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.

Children with this characteristic should be taught and trained to live by this principle; "whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." They must learn that even the smallest details of life can either honor Him or dishonor Him. "He who is faithful in a little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much." (Lk.16:10)

Children with this particular habit often rush through their work. Parents who take time to discuss this with their children will often discover desires that led to such behavior, such as a desire to finish first ("I must and will win") or the desire to get the work over with ("I must and will have pleasure and ease").

To help a child with this problem, we must teach him to put off the "desires of the flesh" and put on doing his responsibilities "heartily" or enthusiastically "unto the Lord" (Col.3:22-23). If we are going to do something for the Lord, we need to do a thorough job.

Teach the child to check his work or job when he thinks he is finished. Providing a check-off list of things to look for would be helpful. That list should include four or five details that the child routinely leaves out and errors that he makes consistently. Let the child help you make the check-off list. He probably already knows what he needs to do and this will help him have ownership of this plan. Model the use of the check-off list. Have the child use the list as you oversee the process and then ask him to use it independently. While the child is using this list, the teacher or parent must closely monitor its use. Remind the child that the goal of his thinking is not to be the first or get this done and over with, but to please God.

B.  Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities.

Paying attention for an extended period of time requires a disciplined mind. The apostle Peter explained the importance of this matter when he said, "Gird your minds for action… as obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance." (I Pet.1:13,14)

With smaller children, parents may wish to use a kitchen timer to increase attention span. "Last week we worked on the puzzle for three minutes. This week let’s try four minutes." Older children should be instructed about the blessings of sustained attention, (Prov.1:8-9), and the importance of developing the Biblical fruit of self-control. (Gal.3:23)

C.  Often does not seem to listen when spoken.

James instructs believers to "be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." (Jam.1:19) Our Lord concluded one of His parables by saying, "Therefore, take care how you listen; for whoever has, to him shall more be given; and whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has shall be taken away from him." (Lk.8:18)

Failure to listen is selfishness, an act of self-will and rebellion. (Phil.2:3-4). It is a refusal to give others, (especially the authorities that God has placed in their life) the respect and honor they are due (Rom.12:10). "Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days." (Prov.19:20)

If the young child is allowed to show disrespect to parents as a youngster by not immediately stopping everything they are doing to listen and heed their parents commands, they will certainly continue to demonstrate this self-will and rebellion as they grow up. We must teach and train our young children to listen for our voice and commands so as to be ready to obey in a moment’s notice. Teach them the godly example of young Samuel listening for the voice of Eli. (I Sam 3) Show them by example as we submit to the authorities in our life (the Lord, elders, employers, wives to husbands, etc. Col.4:) that we too must listen and obey immediately.

The person speaking should be visible to the child and should demonstrate excitement about what is coming up. Make sure you have the child’s attention and full eye contact before you speak to him. Be sure your instructions are clear, understandable and achievable. Provide visual as well as verbal instruction when appropriate. Then ask the child to repeat what you have said. If there is more than one instruction given, use your fingers to demonstrate how many parts there are to follow. Conclude with; "let me see you do it." Make sure the child knows you mean business when you speak.

Variety in the way we communicate to the child can also be helpful in getting him to listen. Try theatrics from time to time. Sometimes the use of mystery and intrigue, e.g. giving clues as to what to what is in the bag will help listening skills. Explaining purpose and relevance whenever possible will also be helpful, but not absolute necessary. God doesn’t always tell us all the reasons why we should do something, but we are expected to obey because we love and trust Him. We must teach our children to obey even if they don’t know why, understand or agree with the command. They must be taught to trust us completely, just as we must trust our Lord completely!

All of us like positive reinforcement, so give positive comments throughout the time the child is doing the job. Recognize and praise specific times the child is listening. Catch the child doing good and tell him about it.