D.  Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the work place (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).

This symptom has two parts. The first issue is that of the child’s failure to obey instructions and it’s cause. The child’s failure to follow through on instructions can be the result of many issues. It could be open or disguised rebellion or it could be a failure to understand the instructions due to a genuine misunderstanding, and or a lack of clarity of the instructions.

Rebellion in any form (open or disguised) must be dealt with love, compassion, understanding and the application of discipline the Bible commands. Rebellion, which is a form of pride and self-will, is the root of all sin. I Sam.15:23 says, "Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft…" God said this of Saul that gave a half hearted attempt at obedience." A child brought up in the "nuture and admonition of the Lord" must be made to realize that to rebel against any authority is to rebel against God himself! (Rom.13:1ff) The child must see by example and in teaching that "not my will, but thine be done" is the proper attitude in all of life. The rebel says just as Satan has said, "I will…"

The second issue, is that of a failure to finish a task. The scriptures have much to say about God’s children not only starting well, but finishing well. Paul instructed the Galations to "not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary." (Gal.6:9) One of our Lord’s parables showed the wickedness of a son who said he would do something, but then refused to follow through (Mt.21:28-32). Paul understood and applied these principles, he was able to write at the end of his life, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course… (II Tim.4:7) He encouraged believers to "persevere, and endure to the end"

This a good place to use the principle of cause and effect, "sowing and reaping". As schoolwork, chores and other duties are given also instruct regarding what will happen if the job gets done and what will happen if it doesn’t. When parents and teachers reward right behavior and correct sinful habits, they are following the example of the Lord. (He.13)

E.  Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities.

Children must be taught and trained to live a life of orderliness. This is an important godly characteristic that the apostle Paul commanded the Corinthian Christians to obey. "Let all things be done properly and in an orderly manner… For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (I Cor.14:40,33a)

Parents should encourage and provide tools to help the child be organized. Provide things like folders for loose papers, a small plastic bucket to store all their school supplies, a notebook organizer, etc. Teach him to use a folder for all loose papers. Tell him to never put papers in his desk unless they are in a folder or a notebook. Label the pockets of the folders with titles like, "To do," "Completed," and other specific subject tasks. If the work is not done, tell him to keep it in the "to do" file and when it is finished put it in the "completed" file or turn it in for grading. Use this simple organization method for smaller children.

As the child gets older, use other tools and forms of organization that can help them stay organized as their tasks get more complex. Things like; lists, prioritizing activities on the that list, following a schedule that is taped on the desk, using a calendar to record due dates, knowing what materials are needed for each different task, having a daily routine when possible, explaining changes in that routine the day before they occur.

Any organizational system will help, but the child must be taught to use one! Someone must oversee it until it becomes a habit. Most organization is a drudgery for students, but the result is worth the effort. Remember, a task is more than fifty percent finished when it is properly planned and organized! Proper planning prevents poor performance!

F.  Often avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort.

Children should be encouraged and taught not to give up or leave a project until it is completed correctly. They must be taught a godly work ethic. They must see that life involves doing things that may seem difficult at first, but with God’s help and the resources He provides, we can and must do what we need to. They should not be allowed to say, "I can’t." Those words must be substituted with "I will try" or "Will you please help me?" God’s word tells us that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Phil.4:13)

All children are naturally lazy, we all are. We would naturally take the easy road rather than the road of sustained effort. Proverbs 18:9 says, "He also who slacks his work is brother to a master of ruin." "The desire of the slothful killeth him, for his hands refuse to work." (Prov.21:25) Paul commanded the Roman believers to be "not slothful in diligence," but "zealous in spirit." (Rom.12:11)

G.  Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencil, books or other tools.)

This sinful behavior can be the result of a number of attitudes. The child may be losing things because they may see this as a good excuse for not being able to complete an unpleasant task, such as schoolwork, etc. The biblical "sowing and reaping" system should resolve this very quickly. The child should be held accountable for his work, even if that means receiving a penalty or failing grade on that particular assignment because he "forgot" or "lost" his tools to complete the assignment. The child should be taught that "remembering" to bring the necessary tools to complete the assigned task is all part of the work and that excuses are just a form of laziness. This child needs to be taught to be "zealots in good works" (Tit.2:14b) and to "do all in the name of the Lord Jesus." (Col.3:17)

Children who lose things need to be taught the Biblical doctrine of stewardship. "It is required in stewards to be found faithful." (I Cor.4:2) God has entrusted them with everything they have, and someday they will stand before Him and give an account. (Rom.14:10-12) Being a good steward means that everything the child has should have a place and everything must be in its place when not in use.

H.  Is often distracted by extraneous stimuli.

Parents can give their children hope by explaining that they are also sidetracked at times. When a person walks into church late, we are all tempted to turn around and see who it is. Children also need to be taught what to do when distraction occurs. Give them a plan for change. "Put off" that quick look and an extended gaze, and "put on" staying focused and concentrating on the work at hand.

I. Is often forgetful in daily activities.

Forgetfulness can result from several different sinful habits. (The assumption being made is that the commands were given clearly.) Perhaps the child was not listening carefully in the first place. A child like this may need to work on mental priorities. Some "forgetful" children can remember an amazing amount of details about their favorite things. When a parent or teacher is speaking, they need to learn to think, "My remembering of this information is important to God and others, therefore I will make it important to me."

A pocket note pad may also be of great help in this situation. The child should be taught to write down homework assignments, directions, and other important data so he can remember it.

II.  HYPERACTIVITY & IMPULSIVITY

A.  Often fidgets with hands or feet, or squirms in his seat.

Notice, this is a learned habit. New habits can replace it. This child needs to taught to be attentive. I Pet. 1:13 says, "Therefore, gird your minds for action." Our children are the stewards of their minds and opportunities to learn. They must be taught to use their eyes, ears and minds to listen and concentrate, without letting their hands, feet or thoughts distract them.

Is the child bored? Help them by providing materials that stimulate the heart, mind, and imagination. Provide variety in their learning time by giving them activities that they can do without having to sit still for long periods of time.

B.  Often leaves his seat in the classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected.

Teach and train the child to be obedient in this area. Secondly, make sure the child, (especially boys) get plenty of exercise. Point out that there are times to sit still (study times, worship times, etc.) and there are times to run and have fun. There is no excuse for disobedience, but we need to understand that God made especially boys with lots of energy. Give your children plenty of opportunity to get out and burn off that energy. Your discipline issues in this area will be greatly reduced if you do!

C.  Often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate.

Is this child getting enough daily exercise? Boys especially need plenty of exercise in order for them to do a better job at controlling their energy. Nonetheless, obedience should always be expected and reinforced. Teach or review with the child the cause and effect principle (Gal.6:7-9). If we sow to our fleshly desires, there are natural consequences that follow. Adults often want to protect children from these consequences, but allowing them to experience some displeasure as a result of their own choices sometimes helps them to learn valuable lessons more quickly.

D.  Often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly.

A loud child misses instruction and when instructions are missed for very long, the child can end up having learning problems. Prov.21:23 instructs us that "Whoso keepeth his mouth and tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." Do the children in our realm of influence know that if they keep their mouths and tongues quiet long enough to hear directions, they can avoid trouble? Another issue is the child’s models. Parents must be a good example with their volume at home.

E.  Is often "on the go" or often acts as if a motor drives him.

We need to find out why he is "driven by a motor." Is he "driven" because he is frustrated and/or anxious? Find out what is frustrating this child. Determine what he is anxious and worried about? Teach and apply scriptural principles about frustration, anxiousness and worry. Frustration is just a blocked goal not submitted to God’s sovereignty. An example of such passages would be; Matt.6:19-34 – Deals with the source of anxiety/worry which is focusing on the wrong treasure, service to the wrong master and not seeking first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness.

Philip.4:6-13 – Deals with the Biblical solutions for anxiety/worry, lack of peace, contentment and the true source of our enablement for all of life’s responsibilities. Is the home a source of peace, or stress; is it a place of security or insecurity? Children coming out of a home where stress, anxiety, and insecurity are the norm tend to exhibit these behaviors since these are the behaviors being modeled for them continuously. Children become like those they are around. Ezek.16:44 says, "As is the mother, so is her daughter." A calm peaceful home generally produces calm peaceful children! What can be done right now to make your home more peaceful, more relaxing, less hectic?

F.  Often talks excessively.

Why is this child need to talk excessively? Does he ever have someone’s undivided attention, or is he competing for anybody’s attention? Usually the "excessive talker" is desperately seeking to be heard by anyone who would care enough to really listen to them and their story. Frequently, the "excessive talker" lets his mouth go before he has really thought about what he should say. Teach them the principles from these passages. Prov.15:28: and 10:19 says, "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things." "Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

G.  Often blurts out answers before questions have been completed.

Again the issue for this child is obedience and self-control. The child also must be taught and trained to listen completely before speaking (Prov.18:13) "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is a folly and a shame unto him."

H.  Often has difficulty awaiting his turn.

The issue here, as in most sinful behavior, is selfishness. The child is saying to himself, "I will go first, I must be first." In most children, a selfish act left unchecked quickly turns into a pattern and habit of selfish behaviors. This child must be taught and trained to love God and others supremely, and thereby putting themselves last. Remember all of God’s word can be summed up in two commandments, love God and love others. (Mt.22:36-40)

We are never commanded to love ourselves. The passage just referenced (Mt.22:26-40), is frequently cited as teaching us to love ourselves. Jesus says that the whole of the law and the prophets can be summed up in only two commandments, not three. God knows that man’s problem is not that he loves himself too little, but that he loves himself too much. Children don’t need to be taught to love themselves and thus act selfishly, they do this automatically. But we do need to teach and train our children to love God above all else. Matt.14:26 says, "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life he cannot be my disciple." Help your children to apply daily the command of Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, let each of you regard one another as more important (lit. superior) than himself." Discipline them for acting selfishly and reward them for putting others interests before their own.

I.  Often interrupts or intrudes on others.

Again selfishness is at the root cause of this behavior problem. But you can teach and train them to "put off" selfishness by applying these passages of scripture: James 1:19, "be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath," Romans 12:10 commands us to "prefer one another." I Cor.13:4-5 shows us the way true love acts; "love is always patient, always kind, never jealous of others… and never self seeking."

Teach and train your children to listen without interrupting others. Many children have this bad habit and they haven’t been properly taught and trained to replace it. Give them a visual or verbal cue so they will change. When a child interrupts me or another child, I say in a loud whisper, "you’re interrupting." That’s his cue to PUT OFF interrupting and PUT ON listening and waiting his turn. Give them this cue without getting angry. If they immediately change when the cue is given, then the discipline is not needed. Only when they begin to rebel against being reminded should they face the negative consequences. It takes time and effort to change bad habits.

Helpful Hints: How to begin applying these principles to my child’s problem and sinful behavior.

1.  Pray and search for the wisdom of God (in the scriptures) to know when and how to apply these principles to each child. Many parents ask God for wisdom yet fail to look in the greatest resource of wisdom every given, the Bible! Proverbs 2 says search for wisdom like you would search for hidden treasures, for if you do, you will find it!

2.  Read the great books from godly parents on child training, especially books from the past (early 1900’s and back). Books like The Mother at Home by J. Abbott and To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debbie Pearl. Be extremely careful and discerning with today’s contemporary parenting books. Much of their advice is "Christianized" psychology with a few scripture verses sprinkled in. Psychology has nothing to offer the true follower of the Lord! Our all knowing all wise God "has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence." II Pet.1:3 For a thorough discussion of the value of psychology see; Why Christians CAN’T Trust Psychology by Ed Bulkley, Ph.D. and the The End of "Christian Psychology" by Martin & Deidre Bobgan.

3.  DO NOT discipline your child in anger! Most times our anger is selfishly motivated and James 1 tells us that this type of anger "does not achieve the righteousness of God." Discipline should always administered in love from a controlled spirit!

4.  Be sure our expectations are clearly understood by our children. Be sure they know what sinful behaviors they need to PUT OFF and what God-Like behaviors they need to PUT ON. For smaller children, a PUT OFF / PUT ON chart may be very helpful. Rewarding good behavior with stickers is also very helpful.

5.  Encourage and remind your child throughout the day about seeking to please the Lord in these very important areas. Remember; work on one or at most two behaviors at a time. If you try too much at one time, failure and frustration will result. Do one thing at a time!

6.  Teach your children that neither you nor God requires immediate perfection, but the daily pursuing of perfection. Paul said in Philip. 3:14 "I press on (literally to pursue) toward the goal…"The key is this, are we making progress in holiness day by day? Are we more sin free today than we were yesterday?

7.  Lastly, seek to draw your children back to the Lord and the scriptures in every circumstance. Help them to see that you seek to please the Lord in raising them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord, just as they seek to please you and thus please the Lord in so doing. Demonstrate at every opportunity the reality of the scriptures. God’s Word can and must effect every area of our lives!

May the Lord bless you as you humbly seek to diligently apply His Word to these important issues.

 

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